Voting Machines

I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but during the last presidential election I began to get suspicious about the Diebold voting machines and how easy it would be to rig an election.

Now there's another angle on this. News broke yesterday that a California company is being investigated for connections to Venezuela and their menacing little dictator.

I wonder if there's been a poll on this? I wonder if Americans favor automating elections to the point that one bright programmer could choose the winner?

Now I've got a strong feeling that people are already screwing with electronic results...or at least fondling or heavy petting them. But won't it be funny when all this comes to fruition in about 2008? Can't you see Diebold "closely watching" the blue states, while Chavez puts it to the reds? Here's Wolf Blitzer on election night: "Well, contrary to our exit polls, it appears that Mississippi has gone for Hillary Clinton and Barrack O'Bama, while New Jersey has solidly gone for Jeb Bush and Bill Frist."

Is this not just another example of our lethargy? What would have to happen in this country to make people say, "hey...wait a minute"? Could Dick Cheney hold a press conference today and say,

"Thank you for joining us today, ladies and gentleman. I won't take any questions, but I want to lay out a few changes we will instigate in future elections, beginning immediately. This will save the taxpayers billions and will allow all of America to openly observe the process, exclusively on Fox.

"On the first Tuesday in November, we will invite a select group of citizens to Rootenpoot, Arkansas. These will be Americans who will go through the same fair and balanced selection process that we use to admit people to appearances by President Bush.

"We will subsequently have Bill O'Reilly as a guest moderator. He will verbally call the name of each candidate, and then say, 'All in favor, say Aye'. Mr. O'Reilly will then respond with 'The Ayes have it', and our great country will have its next generation of leadership.

"If you have any questions about the minor details of the process, tune in to Sean Hannity tonight, and he will tell you why its the only way to go. Thank you and good night."


Many thanks to Mark Rayner and The Carnival of Satire.
To those of you who found BTH in this issue, I hope you'll look around and leave some comments.
C